memoir, The Blog of Missing

When your son might be dead

My hold on equanimity is precarious. I’m fixated on “Jake’s totally off the grid, if he’s alive and well.” The implication is that he probably is not alive. This supposition does not bring closure because there’s no body. When others suppose your son could be dead, it only just barely penetrates your awareness. You can think… Read More When your son might be dead

memoir, The Blog of Missing

Brain real estate at a premium right now

I’m thinking out loud here. I waffle about posting about what I’m thinking and feeling about my son being missing. I am not adding any new information, and much of what I share is about what I deal with emotionally day by day. It’s repetitive. The grief never subsides, although my awareness of it ebbs… Read More Brain real estate at a premium right now

memoir, The Blog of Missing, Writing

Fractal alligator

*Jake has not been found. Thank you for checking.   Everyone knows that the big, bitey, scaley lizard-looking thing in the Everglades is an alligator. That single word encapsulates everything it is and stands for. My grief is an alligator, lately. For centuries–millennia–eons–mothers have coped with the loss of their children. Miscarriages. Stillbirth. Childhood illnesses.… Read More Fractal alligator

memoir, The Blog of Missing

The Blog of Missing: 346 Days

As promised: (see full poem and original post under the link) Merrit Malloy, author of the poem, The People Who Cannot Say Goodbye, writes, “There are people who cannot say good-bye They are born this way/this is how they die They are the keepers of promises/what moves them does not wear out Their loyalty will… Read More The Blog of Missing: 346 Days