memoir, The Blog of Missing

When your son might be dead

My hold on equanimity is precarious. I’m fixated on “Jake’s totally off the grid, if he’s alive and well.” The implication is that he probably is not alive. This supposition does not bring closure because there’s no body. When others suppose your son could be dead, it only just barely penetrates your awareness. You can think… Read More When your son might be dead

memoir, The Blog of Missing

Brain real estate at a premium right now

I’m thinking out loud here. I waffle about posting about what I’m thinking and feeling about my son being missing. I am not adding any new information, and much of what I share is about what I deal with emotionally day by day. It’s repetitive. The grief never subsides, although my awareness of it ebbs… Read More Brain real estate at a premium right now

memoir, Writing

The Opposite of Down and the 5-Second-Rule

*Jake has not been found. Thank you for checking. From Notes from the Universe: “Raise your sights and broaden your steps. Because doing one without the other is the same as doing neither.” One time, I was advising a security guard student who had been shooting at 3-yard targets and his groups were sufficiently close that… Read More The Opposite of Down and the 5-Second-Rule

Grace, memoir, Silence, The Blog of Missing

The Blog of Missing Day 118: An update

Someone asked me where Day 1 was of the Blog of Missing. I started with Day 20, which is kind of a let-down, right? Where’s the beginning? There should be a Day 1. A way to find the genesis of the heartache. And there should be words for every day of the missingness. We’ve got… Read More The Blog of Missing Day 118: An update

memoir, The Blog of Missing

The cat must be fed

“The people who say you are not facing reality actually mean that you are not facing their idea of reality. Reality is above all else a variable. With a firm enough commitment, you can sometimes create a reality which did not exist before.” Margaret Halsey I’m in this godawful weird place where I don’t know… Read More The cat must be fed