memoir, The Blog of Missing

No time for a break

One benefit of being busy with work and school is that you have no mulling minutes. Everything’s coagulated beneath the surface, cold and solid.But a congealed bloodclot at any stage is really only a blockage that prevents hemorrhaging. I don’t have time for a break of any kind: no heartbreak, especially. And I think this… Read More No time for a break

memoir, The Blog of Missing

Not Jake.

A briefly anonymous man was featured on the news up in San Francisco. He’d been found at 170 Pacific Avenue in San Francisco. 6’2″, 350+ lbs.An acquaintance on Facebook alerted me to the news clip, and when I saw the photo I was convinced my son had been found. https://abc7news.com/society/sf-hospital-needs-help-identifying-patient-in-its-care-/6171263/ I’ve blown this image up… Read More Not Jake.

A Day in the Life of a Writer, memoir, The Blog of Missing

A new wrinkle

In all the scenarios I’ve ever imagined, never once did I think of Stephen King’s dystopian vision as a possibility of what Jake could endure. At this point I skitter like a rock across a lake over thoughts of where Jake might be. It’s an unbearable lightness of being. I am unbearably light. I had… Read More A new wrinkle

memoir, The Blog of Missing

The October 2018 Files

Part 1:  October 21, 2018 I’m still not in. Not mentally. Not in my body. Not in my sanity. Rollercoaster is a cliche.  “Being on a roller-coaster” doesn’t fit any experience like this because 1) you choose to get on roller-coasters, and 2) you can get off. I’m on fire and grey-cold. You know how your… Read More The October 2018 Files

memoir, The Blog of Missing

Unidentified Persons Case #17369

In the news today it was reported that a body was found near Glamis, or partial remains. Now I don’t remember and I don’t have the heart to go back and look it up because I rabbit-trailed over to the Missing Person’s site and found an unfortunately promising lead. This: https://www.namus.gov/UnidentifiedPersons/Case#/17369/details is what I found. If… Read More Unidentified Persons Case #17369

memoir, The Blog of Missing

When your son might be dead

My hold on equanimity is precarious. I’m fixated on “Jake’s totally off the grid, if he’s alive and well.” The implication is that he probably is not alive. This supposition does not bring closure because there’s no body. When others suppose your son could be dead, it only just barely penetrates your awareness. You can think… Read More When your son might be dead