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Week 2: Acceptance update
So.
The bracelet works. It’s reminded me every day that my goal is to pray for those who annoy the crap out of me, who hurt my feelings, who –well, you get it.
I’ve had a week of challenges, and it’s been, what, 4 days? All I can do every day is shout at the bracelet that I am trying to pray, dammit, but I don’t want to….
…and every evening I read an update on Facebook from a couple whose daughter’s been in a terrible accident, and they’re working with her to regain basic abilities, and they end each post with 5 things they’re thankful for. Last night the Mom’s flight got delayed, so she has to work with very little sleep, and Dad is rejoicing because through some [unmentioned] grace he’s able to be with his daughter. Each step of their journey is grueling, yet each parent finds time to get on Facebook and share where the family’s at. And I was complaining about what…?
I regularly forget my blessings!
This article on GoodLifeZen reminded me about keeping a gratitude journal, so I’m going to do that, and I’m going to wear a second bracelet just for gratitude.
Today I’m thankful because:
- It’s Monday. A new day. A new week. Today I get to chart the week ahead.
- I got a beautiful night’s sleep last night.
- Yesterday my good friend, Lawna, gave me geranium essential oil (the scent makes me ridiculously happy.)
- Lawna is also going to make a special essential oil blend (an aphrodisiac!) for my wedding to share as favors.
- My fiance is collecting Veggie Tales videos for me. Those stories and characters delight the little kid in me, and this in turn delights Tom. I think that’s sweet and wonderful.
Best Year Ever: Week 2
Last week I wore a bracelet to remind me to look for the good.
It was not easy. I found myself dwelling on worst-case scenarios every day, but the bracelet served its purpose: it did remind me to take my eyes off the negative for even a short time to consider what was good in the situation.
So now I have a new one. This one is also blue and gold, and it has tiny charms on it.
The area I’m focusing on this week is Acceptance. Right now, this means:
- Accepting people exactly where they’re at.
- Accepting the things I cannot change.
- Accepting change.
- Accepting responsibility.
(It may mean more by the end of the week. )
I was complaining to my fiance last night about some people I don’t want to deal with, and he said, “Honey, why don’t you pray for them?”
ew.
(my honest response)
But the suggestion is kinda like rhubarb.
Bitter at first, but really okay after you get used to it.
No, maybe it’s like chewing on aspirin.
Whatever. I got over my initial response, and have decided that the tiny charms on my bracelet will represent people who get under my skin or take up space in my head. Heck, I’m thinking of them anyway, right? Might as well pray for them.
I have since discovered that I don’t know how to pray for people I don’t like.
I am begrudgingly accepting that I don’t like them, and likewise accepting that I honestly do not want to pray for them.
So I’m starting with small steps: first I will look for change in myself that has resulted from rubbing against that sandpaper. What have I done as a result of my encounters with them?
For example:
A few months ago, I shined light on a problem of bullying in a public place. (I can’t get more specific than this, sorry.) This was not fully well-received. People really don’t want you upsetting the status- quo. (Actually, it might have been better-received than I know. I was very busy focusing on the negative. This was pre-bracelet, ok.
I had no horse in the race–I was not personally bullied by this person, but I have been told many stories since 2003 by people who HAVE been or who have dealt with the effects. I finally spoke up when I witnessed it first-hand at a major meeting. What I really wanted to do was to open a dialogue about bullying so that it could be openly discussed. This didn’t happen, and it discouraged me.
So I decided to find a way to incorporate anti-bullying into my composition class, at the very least so that I could build awareness, and again, open up the conversation. I have done this, and although I cannot know the full scope of influence this class will have had on my students, I know that I made a difference. And I did it because of that sandpaper. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.
So I must be thankful for the sandpaper.
Ah. This is going to take some time.
Best Year Ever: Week 1
From Notes from the Universe:
This note requires action.
Why not let today mark the beginning
of the absolute happiest, most memorable
time of your life?
The power is yours. Do something.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I’m embarking on my best year ever.
I’m listening to Darren Hardy, publisher of Success magazine, on CD, and I’m developing a list of 13 things I want to work on over the next twelve months, based on advice from Benjamin Franklin. Work on one thing per week, and nothing else.
By doing this, I will work on that one thing 4 times a year, improving myself in that area in greater strides than if I tried to work on all the areas at once.
Here’s Mr. Franklin’s list:
- Temperance–Eat not to dullness, drink not to elevation.
- Silence–Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
- Order–Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
- Resolution–Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
- Frugality–Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
- Industry–Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
- Sincerity–Use no harmful deceits; think innocently & justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly.
- Justice–Wrong none by doing injuries, or emitting the benefits that are your duty.
- Moderation–Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
- Cleanliness–Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths [sic], or habitation.
- Tranquility–Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents uncommon of unavoidable.
- Chastity–rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness [sic], weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
- Humility–Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
I’m still making my list, but I do know that this week I am working on focusing on the positive. I have to do this because I tend to operate on the undropped shoe belief: I brace myself for the worst. Always. I call it realism.
Truth: it’s
- defeatism.
- negativism.
- dark.
- faithless.
- hopeless.
The fact that I call it realism is a sad testament to my paradigm.
Done with that.
So I have a new blue and gold bracelet that I’ll be wearing for the next 7 days, and when I look at it, I’ll consider:
- Blue & gold=royal colors—>I am a child of the King. A princess, you might say, although, really, I prefer Queen. But then I’d have to segue into fairytale ruminations about roles, and if I’m the Queen AND a child of the King, oh–that’s not good. And there I go again with the negative. ha.
- I choose what I focus on. I. choose.
- Realism = real, not negative.
My list, not in order:
- Romans 8: 28–Focus on what is good. Week 1.
- Intimacy.
- Order, as per Ben Franklin.
- Tranquility, as per Ben Franklin.
- Acceptance. week 2.
- Movement/body-consciousness
- Ephesians 4:29–speak no evil.
- Industry, as per Ben Franklin.
- Generosity: time/attention/etc.
- Resolution, as per Ben Franklin.
- Attention to what I ingest.
- Appreciation and praise.
- Frugality, as per Ben Franklin.
Yes, each area requires its own bracelet. I’m okay with that.
BTW: it’s okay to start such a list any day you choose. Darren Hardy says to make NOW your turning point.
Care to join me?
Extraordinary challenges = extraordinary gifts
From Notes from the Universe:
“If you understood the extraordinary gifts
that every single challenge in your life
makes possible, even inevitable,
you’d celebrate your challenges,
new and old alike, as the omens that they are
of new beginnings and spectacular change.”
and
“Raise your sights and broaden your steps.
Because doing one without the other
is the same as doing neither.”
I was advising a shooter on the range recently. He’d been shooting at close range, and I’d moved his target to double the distance. I could tell by the set of his pistol that his sights weren’t properly aligned, and his shots would either hit the bottom of his target or they’d miss entirely.
He didn’t listen.
And he didn’t pass.
I have no idea where his shots went, actually, because they weren’t on the paper at all. What this means, I tell my students, is that you killed innocent babies.
*disclaimer: he didn’t actually kill innocent babies.
*disclaimer #2: I know all babies are innocent. I use the adjective for effect.
My point:
the farther away your target is, the higher you have to raise your sights.
But, as I tell my students, it’s best to practice small distances a LOT.
For example, I advise them to practice 50-100 rounds at 3-5 yards. Because they can see the target more clearly at that range, it’s easier to correct how they’re squeezing the trigger or gripping the pistol and see an immediate effect on the target.
Once they’re hitting the target in a consistently small area, then they should move target back a couple of yards and practice with another 100 rounds, keeping in mind that the farther their target is, the more important their sight picture is.
Right now I’m doing all the close targets, and frankly, I don’t see a correlation between those and the move. No, no, I know it’s there, but all I see are trees right now. Three months of trees. Now where’s my compass….
Uncertainty and Inspiration
From Notes from the Universe:
At any point in one’s life, the greater the uncertainties they face, the greater their chances of hitting a major, life-changing “home run.”
I am learning how to embrace uncertainty, but I’ve had to approach this concept in baby steps. I tend to prefer the known, but not for a solid rational reason. I just feel like I have more control if I know what’s coming.
I am leaving everything I know to embark on a beautiful amazing life with the man I love this summer, and I am not doing well in the uncertainty department. I haven’t changed residence since 1997, and I’ve lived in the same town since 1985. I’m moving across the country to a fascinating city full of tons of things to do, I’ll be surrounded by his big, loving family, I’ll make new friends, and the only thing I can focus on is the fact that I don’t have a job yet.
This note from the Universe reminded me that I’m doing something enormous. So shut up and jump, sister. The water’s fine.
I’ve been feeling anxious, so I looked up ways to pull myself out of it, and I started here: 50 things you can control right now
And that leads me to the other part of today’s post: Inspiration.
Yesterday, out of the blue in the most perfect way, I received a blogger award from fellow blogger, Mandy Eve-Barnett.
I’m going to pay it forward by introducing you to bloggers who inspire me.
The award requests the following rules are kept:
- Display the award logo on your blog.
- Link back to the person who nominated you.
- State 7 things about yourself.
- Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
- Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.
7 things about myself:
- I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 9.5 years, and our relationship is stronger than most others I’ve seen.
- I’m marrying him this summer. 😀
- I’m a member of Romance Writers of America.
- I teach firearms classes.
- I’m genealogy geek and am working on several friends’ family trees in addition to my own.
- I’m a member of Bookcrossing.com and I’ve given away over 8,000 books since 2004.
- I’m a perfume pig. I love them all. Current fave: Angel. And Opium. And Jessica McClintock. And… right. Never mind. lol
15 bloggers whose blogs I nominate for the Very Inspiring Blog Award:
- Amanda Fox : The Fur Files
- Devin Berglund
- Sarah La Rosa: Her Strange Angels
- The Squeaky Robot
- Life in the Boomer Lane
- Helen Klebesadel: A Muse and Her Artist
- Fred Allen’s Old Time Radio
- Marc and Angel
- The Connectome
- 1000 Awesome Things
- The First 10 Pages
- People Triggers
- The Soulful Contrarian
- Clotilda Jamcracker
- The Tovarysh Connection
Transformation
“[A] young man is being initiated… The initiator is on the left and his assistant is behind the groom. The youth is told to look in this metal bowl and he will see his own face, his own true face. However, the bowl is so concave inside that what he sees is not his own face but the distorted mask of old age, which the assistant holds up behind him. With a shock he is introduced to what our American Indians call the ‘long body’ – the whole body of life from birth to death.
“Now suppose one of his friends, before he went in there, had said to him, ‘Now look, this guy in there is going to have a bowl and he is going to tell you that you’re going to see your own face. You’re not! He’s got another fellow there who’s holding this mask thing up behind you so that what you will see is nothing more than a reflection.’ If this happened, there would be no initiation. There would be no shock. This is why mysteries are kept secret.
“An initiation is a shock. Birth is a shock; rebirth is a shock. All that is transformative must be experienced as if for the first time.”
– Joseph Campbell, Mythos I: The Shaping of Our Mythic Tradition, “On Being Human”‘
I don’t know why it’s never occurred to me that I have never chosen what has stretched me, what has made me stronger. I’ve labored under the illusion that I had some control over it all my life, until last Thursday night.
There was no parting of the Red Sea, no Miracle Max. It was, in fact, a horrible evening. I found out, last minute, that I’d have to do a job I felt ill-prepared for, and I’d have scant sleep, as well. I had to cram a bunch of range gear in my Jeep–guns, a table, protective gear for eyes and ears, ammo, targets and accessories, etc., and I had to drive two hours back to Imperial Valley. And I was already exhausted.
Perhaps I would have been more gracious had I not been nervous about doing the job.
Maybe not.
As I reflected on how this would stretch me, I realized that I would never have volunteered to do the job. I also realized in that instant that I haven’t ever volunteered for things that scare me. I have to be shoved into growth.
It has to be a shock.
My attitude was a skoche better.
It didn’t really improve till I got into the groove at the range, but now I see how excellent this opportunity was for me.
Still prefer advance warning, though.
(Untitled)
My 49th birthday is around the corner.
It’s making me take stock of how far I’ve come, what I’ve accomplished, and what really matters to me.
I realized recently that, although I am not where I want to be, it doesn’t mean I haven’t fully lived. This was a hard thing to digest because I struggle with not having flown.
But perhaps I have, for certainly my point of view is higher than it used to be.
These words from Paulo Coelho resonate in me:
Live the life you always wanted to live
by Paulo Coelho on February 6, 2013
“Even if you were to study your own life in detail and relive each moment that you suffered, sweated and smiled beneath the sun, you would still never know exactly when you had been useful to someone else.
A life is never useless. Each soul that came down to Earth is here for a reason.
The people who really help others are not trying to be useful, but are simply leading a useful life.
They rarely give advice, but serve as an example.
Do one thing: live the life you always wanted to live.Avoid criticising others and concentrate on fulfilling your dreams.
This may not seem very important to you, but God, who sees all, knows that the example you give is helping Him to improve the world. And each day, He will bestow more blessings upon it.”
Check out his blog, and be inspired and uplifted.
Things security officers may think of asking, but shouldn’t:
Do you have any sandwiches in your pocket?
This can be construed as inflammatory and invasive, and it is baffling to the hearer. It is easy to ask this question on your 13th hour on your feet, but you must refrain.
Are you carrying any weapons of mass destruction?
Again, this is a baffling question, and after many hours is tempting to ask as a shortcut. Refrain.
Weapons of mass destruction are much larger than the average pocket. And mothers typically point to their children, and say, “Yeah, right there.”
Would you like to dump your $6 cup of joe in the trash right here or walk a mile back to your car to put it there?This is construed as an unfriendly, snotty question, and could result in you wearing said expensive joe, or at the very least, having a very unhappy person in your face. With spittle.
Legitimate questions prompt interesting responses, as well:
Any knives, guns, or weapons of any sort on your person?
Various answers include:
- “What kind of person do you think I am!?”
- “Of course not! Look at me!”
- “No! I have children!”
- “No! I’m a woman!”
- “No! I’m a mom!”
- “I left them at home today.”
- “Yeah, I got your gun right here.”
- “I got these guns–” kisses each bicep and flexes.
- “Dang, honey,–” to husband –“better hand over your grenade.”
A Talent for Insatiability
I’m re-reading Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, this time with a close eye on her use of language.
Today I’m obsessing over this:
“We yearned for the future. How did we learn it, that talent for insatiability?” (3-4)
I get the insatiability. In fact, the statement reminds me of John Twelve Hawks’ The Traveler, in which this world’s chief problem is never-ending desire. My attention is snagged by the word talent. Why does Atwood call this longing a talent? Again, I get the innate quality. I just don’t understand it being referred to as an ability, as though one were performing or creating something.
D5 Creation