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Things security officers may think of asking, but shouldn’t:
Do you have any sandwiches in your pocket?
This can be construed as inflammatory and invasive, and it is baffling to the hearer. It is easy to ask this question on your 13th hour on your feet, but you must refrain.
Are you carrying any weapons of mass destruction?
Again, this is a baffling question, and after many hours is tempting to ask as a shortcut. Refrain.
Weapons of mass destruction are much larger than the average pocket. And mothers typically point to their children, and say, “Yeah, right there.”
Would you like to dump your $6 cup of joe in the trash right here or walk a mile back to your car to put it there?This is construed as an unfriendly, snotty question, and could result in you wearing said expensive joe, or at the very least, having a very unhappy person in your face. With spittle.
Legitimate questions prompt interesting responses, as well:
Any knives, guns, or weapons of any sort on your person?
Various answers include:
- “What kind of person do you think I am!?”
- “Of course not! Look at me!”
- “No! I have children!”
- “No! I’m a woman!”
- “No! I’m a mom!”
- “I left them at home today.”
- “Yeah, I got your gun right here.”
- “I got these guns–” kisses each bicep and flexes.
- “Dang, honey,–” to husband –“better hand over your grenade.”
But Old Spice still reminds me of Daddy
Yeah, OS Guy is cute, but….
Maybe it’s just my generation.
Maybe all those born after the 80s don’t have any father-associations with Old Spice.
Actually, his appeal–for me–is how hilariously vain his character is. I don’t want my guy wearing Old Spice (Sorry, OS) and I don’t want him acting like OS Guy, but I’m hooked on the commercial.
Kitty Cat Patty Cake
Came across this here: The Ancient Gaming Noob
Had to share it. Made me laugh till my sides ached.
Family photographs. So precious.
I’m not sure what’s more…interesting: the boy on the far right holding a purple purse, or the fake tips on Tito’s guns. Or his fake mustache.
Check out more pics here: http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com
this is utterly delightful (and long-winded LOL) and it reflects how I feel after a 10-day residency with my fellow-writers.
(although I do object to the title. Sheesh.)
thanks to Nathan Bransford for this link.
Check out the price—then scroll down to the reviews section. Hilarious.
the irritable yodel
Not yodeling, really, but funny nevertheless.
regain your hymen–or, honey, get the alum!
The directions say to apply a few drops to the desired area 15 minutes prior to any activity for desired results and moisturization.
Yes, ladies, add these to your hoo-hoo before you do household chores so you don’t get that droopy feeling and find at the end of the day that, yes, the laundry’s done, but your vagina’s fallen out.
One customer wrote: “This made me so tight, but dry. Why would this be pleasurable for women? It was as painful as the first time. Don’t buy this.” RN – October 1, 2008
Side note: if you go looking to re-instate your virginity, you should be prepared for some discomfort.
Should you discover that your vagina has indeed fallen out, guess what. You can send those vaginal muscles to the gym with its own set of weights.
And it comes with an instructional video! I wonder if it gives step-by-step instructions.