878 days missing

When I calculated the days for this year so far, I was surprised that it’s only been 148 days since May 1.  Two years ago on this date, Jake had only been missing 148 days. That doesn’t seem very long.

I don’t really live in days, anyway. If you calculate minutes,  148 days = 213,120 minutes. Today the total is 1,264,320, and lately I’ve been feeling each one that passes like a 10lb musket ball. I’m shot clean through, and some days I feel like there’s not much left of me.

I keep finding myself humming songs from my childhood, like there’s something in them that comforts me.  Today it is Mouth and MacNeal’s How Do You Do.

I re-read Day 709 today, and I think I’m doing my math wrong. Just as well I don’t really count them.
I still carry his boots in my car, and I keep in sporadic contact with his former unit now that they’ve deployed. Sending baby wipes and handmade kerchiefs comforts me, too. Doing these things are little minutes I’m able to claim for myself.

Thank you for asking about Jake, George Morgan.
And thank you, Natashia Deon, for asking the right questions.

2 Commentsto 878 days missing

  1. Carmen says:

    Stacy , I don’t know how to write the way you do, the way that really move deep feelings in my heart, but what I do know and feel is the love a mother has for her sons. (I have 3 of those) What You project is a heart full of love, with a caring, charming, calm, and honest personality. I could go on and on, but I want you to know that I pray that you find your son and this agony ends. I admire you for more than one reason and I feel lucky I got to met you and your hubby a while back.
    Please know that I’m here whenever you need a friend. Love ❤️ girlfriend-wife

    • Stacy says:

      Carmen!

      Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate so much that we are in your prayers and are not forgotten. *hug*
      Much love back to you!

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