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scars
Scars mark the places where life and sanity were threatened, ordeals endured, wounds opened and closed. They evoke a queasy awe in the best of us. We stare and look away, want to ask what happened but don’t dare broach the subject, as if these patches of mended flesh identified experience beyond the realm of human discourse. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the word ‘scar’ is one letter away from ‘scare.’ -Kat Duff
Scars are irrefutable proof that something happened.
I got my first huge scar when I was six years old. I’d stacked three scabby-barked logs in the back yard then stepped back a few feet to take a running leap over the stack. I barely cleared it; I dragged my leg over the log and tore a gash in my shin. The scrape was about two inches long, and deep enough that I sported a hideous jagged scar for many years.
The scar is gone now, except for a tiny patch of puckered skin that’s nearly invisible. Like many of my childhood experiences, that leap seems like it might not have happened, after all. I no longer have proof that I scraped the shit out of my shin, and if I don’t have proof, did it really happen? Never mind that I remember the messy scrape and the serious owie (but I don’t remember crying. huh.)–never mind the vivid sensual memory. The scar’s virtually gone.
Emotionally disruptive events leave marks, too—I hesitate to call them scars because in many cases they’re just lessons, however much they hurt. And I think that for a fair number of those lessons, it’s our choice whether we regard them as lessons or deeply scarring traumas.
Maybe all of them.
I don’t know. Betrayal, for me, feels traumatic. But if I consider my expectations, open and hidden, and if I consider what I learned about myself because of a betrayal—I just can’t comfortably label it a traumatic experience. I feel like I have a couple of horrible scars, and like they should be visible…but they’re really just lessons learned. When I look at them like that, it diminishes the emotional reaction I have to the memories. I welcome this.
Sundance–vote for Una Hora Por Favor by Jill Soloway
There are a number of good films on the Sundance site; I’m asking that you vote for Una Hora Por Favor. The writer is the daughter of a friend, and her splendid piece is so far back in the listings that I think it’s not getting a fair shake. FYI, Jill Soloway was one of the writers for the show, Six Feet Under.
Check it out, then click on the link on the side that says, “Vote below for this film.”
Una Hora Por Favor
EDIT: The link above is broken. Go to the film’s Facebook page for current info.
Here’s an interview with the director about the making of the film.
Check out this cooking site: Cooklikemen.com
These are StumbleFriends I’ve known for a few years, and their simple recipes are geared toward those who don’t want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. (Got kids in college? Or who’ve just moved out and are living on top ramen, or showing up on your doorstep at dinner time? Send ’em here!)
I submitted a recipe for a quick chicken enchilada casserole dish, and they posted it! (It’s really yummy. Check it out.)
You can submit your easy recipes here.
Here’s a quick intro to who they are:
CookLikeMen
And here is an amazing Taco Soup recipe:
first recognize your fear
“First recognize that you’re afraid and slowly build your tolerance for fear…You may still feel it, but you become willing to bear it as you write. You keep your hand moving, you stay there, you move closer and closer to the edge of what scares you.” – Natalie Goldberg, Thunder and Lightning
You’d think it’d be easy, recognizing when you’re afraid. It’s not. Fear disguises itself in churchy clothes, prim white gloves and veiled hats that set just so on your hair. In slutty clothes, see-through tops and tight jeans. In tough clothes, leather jackets and shit-kicking boots.
Fear hides in mashed potatoes, and Hagen Daz ice cream, in peanut butter and bananas, and carne asada burritos.
It skulks in Farmville, and poker, porn, shopping, smoking, and reading.
I’ve skated past fear in my thoughts, come back and circled around and finally skidded to a stop so I could scuff at it with my toe. Slowly I’ve been eliminating places it can hide, and the result is clarity. I can see and breathe now that I am facing my fears. Now I’m not just feeling for the edge with my feet–I can see the edge from here, and yes, the drop is steep. But the other side isn’t as far away as I thought.
All the mixed metaphors in this post make me grin.
Naming characters
I just discovered this on Facebook, and I think that may be the only place you can use this technique. If you’re stumped about what to name your characters, try this meme-y thing:
Did you know your CELL PHONE has a name? Try this:
1st step: From your mobile number, take the last 3 numbers. Example- 780-496-9684 , take “684”only
2nd step: Write this @*[684:0] in the comment box below, replacing the 3 numbers with your own. … …
3rd step: Remove the * sign and press enter in the comment box!
For the naming of characters, just make up numbers. NOTE: I’ve been informed that if the 1st of your last 3 digits is a ‘0’ it won’t work.
Examples:
927= Travis M. LaVoi
647=Azzura Cox
123=Morgan Grice
456=Becky Wald
789=Matt Kozlov
233=Michael Blickstead
999=Peter Saldarriaga
cut off your head–it’s getting in your way
“Writer’s block results from too much head. Cut off your head.
Pegasus, poetry, was born of Medusa when her head was cut off. You have to be reckless when writing. Be as crazy as your conscience allows.” – A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living
I do it all the time. :/
One Girl Riot promo video featuring Arturo Aguilar and Josh Furrer
My boys made this video for me.
The creators are here: IV Films
7 things I’ve committed myself to for the new year
…and no, one of them is not an institution, thank you.
- Ever since I viewed this video, I’ve been on the lookout for ways I can communicate to people how important they are in my life. I was blown away by the response of the kids that Angela Maiers refers to in her talk. I encounter people daily who say or do something that changes my perspective or otherwise rocks my world. Now I’m telling them so.
- I’m going to trust myself more. No more second-guessing decisions or kicking myself all day when I make a mistake.
- I’m going to value my time more.
- I’m going to take more risks, even if it means I may fail. I had to tell myself over and over that messing with the style sheet on this blog would not ruin anything; so far, so good. Marc and Angel write, “The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.” (I read that here.)
- I’m going to write as much as I long to do. Bye-bye, rigid rules, fear, and and writer’s block. To this end, I’ve downloaded Dr. Wicked’s Write or Dieapp, which gives me the willies. (I should clarify that saying goodbye to fear doesn’t mean I won’t feel it. I’m just going to work through the palpitations and cold sweats.) I have three options while I write using this app:
Gentle Mode: Distraction will result in a gentle, almost maternal, reminder to keep writing.(Waste of time)- Normal Mode: Procrastination will result in annoying sounds played at me until I start writing again. (like Pavlov’s Bell. Might work. )
- Kamikaze Mode: If I stop writing, Write or Die will start eating my words one by one until I start again. (Big Sir William willies. This will work.) Give the online version a try. (The download is $10)
- I’m going to get rid of things I’ve been holding on to out of fear, mainly:
- books: they might stop printing them; I’ll never find this book again; I’ll forget I wanted to read it; my shelves will be bare.
- clothes: I won’t have enough variety; I’ve loved this shirt so long; I’ll never find this color again.
- and CDs. What if I want to listen to them one day? Never mind that I haven’t in ages. I might want to tomorrow.
Truth: I’m not trapped in the Handmaid’s Tale, I don’t need 9 million bookshelves, I need to change my style anyway, and I listen to enough music to keep me happy, and I don’t miss what I’m not listening to. Or not reading. Or not wearing. Seriously. wtf.- I’m going to enjoy the process, whatever it entails. Whatever it takes. Hakuna matata.
Note from the Universe: If you understood the extraordinary gifts that every single challenge in your life makes possible, even inevitable, you’d celebrate your challenges, new and old alike, as the omens that they are of new beginnings and spectacular change.
D5 Creation