memoir, Out of the Woods, The Blog of Missing

27 November 2017

I found my son’s suicide note yesterday. I have been sober 14 years and 2 days now. My brain automatically looks for patterns. Common denominators. My mother attempted suicide, too, and my ex ran several states to get away from me. His mental state has deteriorated, from what I’ve heard, and his family blames me… Read More 27 November 2017

memoir, The Blog of Missing

Brain real estate at a premium right now

I’m thinking out loud here. I waffle about posting about what I’m thinking and feeling about my son being missing. I am not adding any new information, and much of what I share is about what I deal with emotionally day by day. It’s repetitive. The grief never subsides, although my awareness of it ebbs… Read More Brain real estate at a premium right now

memoir, The Blog of Missing, Writing

Fractal alligator

*Jake has not been found. Thank you for checking.   Everyone knows that the big, bitey, scaley lizard-looking thing in the Everglades is an alligator. That single word encapsulates everything it is and stands for. My grief is an alligator, lately. For centuries–millennia–eons–mothers have coped with the loss of their children. Miscarriages. Stillbirth. Childhood illnesses.… Read More Fractal alligator

memoir, Out of the Woods, The Blog of Missing

Otherwhere

Since my adult son went missing I’ve learned to value connecting with people, even as I draw away.  My story has invited others into a circle of loss where mother-empties are the norm, where lifeless bodies and missing ones evoke a common grief, where no one backs away from the abyss in our gaze. The… Read More Otherwhere

A Day in the Life of a Writer, memoir, the craft of writing

Memoir writing: Make a list of memories and then cull from it

Write a list of 25 memories. The note for each memory should be short. Example: the time I sledded into a tree the summer I spent with my brother’s grandma taking the shortcut to school through the woods shooting the rapids in the Santa Ana aqueducts with Mama the night my mother attempted suicide ice… Read More Memoir writing: Make a list of memories and then cull from it

memoir, The Blog of Missing

The Blog of Missing: What love looks like

*Jake has not been found.  Thank you for checking. I’ve spent the morning looking at the NamUs Unidentified Persons System. Please understand. I don’t start my days with, “Gee, what can I do to skew my day?” I try to avoid thinking of these databases. But I got an email from the site informing me… Read More The Blog of Missing: What love looks like

A Day in the Life of a Writer, memoir, the craft of writing

A Day in the Life of a Writer: Still in the starting process.

After you’ve written several memories down, you can keep going, you can take a wee break and make a list of memories to come back to, or you can pause that part of the process and focus on fleshing out one or more individual memories. Sometimes it’s best to vomit everything onto the page. Sometimes… Read More A Day in the Life of a Writer: Still in the starting process.